Castr-Oh No

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San Antonio Mayor and former Secretary Of Housing and Urban Development under President Obama, Julian Castro, announced today in a Rolling Stone magazine interview that he is strongly considering running for U.S. President in 2020. He joins a crowded and growing list of potential Democratic contenders including former Vice President Joe Biden, Senator Elizabeth Warren, Senator Cory Booker, Senator Kamala Harris, former Attorney General Eric Holder, Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders and Stormy Daniels attorney Michael Avenatti.

Just what America needs – a President Castro. That’ll go over well in Miami…

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Colors Of The Wind

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Democratic Senator Elizabeth Warren released results of a DNA test today to prove that she had Native American lineage. This comes in the wake of President Trump repeatedly ridiculing her claims and labeling her as “Pocahontas”. The DNA analysis indicates that she has Native-American ancestry “in the range of 6-10 generations ago.” The Cherokee Nation responded to the results of Massachusetts Sen. Elizabeth Warren’s DNA test on Monday, arguing that “a DNA test is useless to determine tribal citizenship.”

I don’t know. We believed her ever since she appeared on our container of Land-O-Lakes butter…

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Hitting Payola

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President Donald Trump has signed the Music Modernization Act into law. Flanked by musicians and lawmakers, including rock & roll artist Kid Rock, Trump signed the rare bill to draw bi-partisan support from both parties. The Music Modernization Act most notably guarantees that songwriters and artists receive royalties for songs recorded prior to 1972. It also creates a new organization — run by publishers and songwriters – that’s tasked with identifying copyright owners and paying them their royalties if songs are played on streaming platforms like Spotify and Apple Music. Overall, it establishes a new standard for setting digital royalty rates for songwriters and publishers.

No more separate but equal in the digital music realm. The days of Napster style payouts are over. All artists will now be paid equally across the board.

We’ll see how fast Taylor Swift pulls her songs from Spotify under the new arrangement…

Mr. President, I’mma Let You Finish But…

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President Trump hosted rapper Kanye West and professional football legend Jim Brown at the White House today to discuss the opioid crisis in America and the rising levels of crime in American cities. West opened with a rant which we believe at press time is still going on…

Something about MAGA hats, Colin Kaepernick, liberal racism, fly cars, superheroes, stop and frisk…

…we’d complete the joke, but the joke’s still talking (and we think Jim Brown is getting pissed)…

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UN-Done

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The United States Ambassador to the United Nations Nikki Haley resigned today from her position after being on the job for a year and seven months. The timing of the resignation caught many by surprise, although President Trump intimated that he knew about it some time last week. Speculation immediately began about the reason Haley was stepping down including sexual harassment at the UN, unhappiness with the Kavanaugh outcome, pressure from Mike Pompeo and John Bolton, and wanting to launch a Presidential bid in 2020.

In a press conference with Haley and Trump at the White House, Trump accepted the resignation and announced they would miss her presence at the United Nations. Haley dispelled most of the rumors immediately, saying that she had originally only planned to stay in the role for two years and that she was looking forward to stepping back from the pressures of the international stage.

Haley will stay in her role until the end of 2018. President Trump is reportedly already considering her replacement.

9/26/18 – Image Metaphor Of The Day

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Ten years ago today, on September 26, 2008, the film adaptation of Chuck Palahniuk’s satirical novel “Choke” debuted in theaters. Starring actor Sam Rockwell, the dark comedy told the story of a sex addict who works at a colonial theme park and fakes choking at upscale restaurants to win sympathy (and hopefully financial reward) from wealthy patrons.

Holy moley does that plot line sound like our government in action!

In the very least, the film’s poster serves as a metaphor for all of the events surrounding the Kavanaugh Supreme Court hearings. And what did we have today?

1) A third accuser represented by Stormy Daniels attorney Michael Avenetti who claims Kavanaugh attended gang rape parties in high school in which she was one of the victims.

2) A completely unhinged news conference from President Trump in which he lashed out at anyone and everyone, calling the Kavanaugh accusations a big con job, Michael Avenetti a low-life, touting himself a victim of unsubstantiated claims, and railing against China, the United Nations, Obama and opponents of North Korea peace talks.

3) The release of Brett Kavanaugh’s social calendar from 1982!

4) Another rebuke from Trump saying that the United Nations was laughing with him and not at him during yesterday’s General Assembly meeting (contrary to video evidence).

5) Currently, Christine Blasey Ford’s testimony as well as Brett Kavanaugh’s rebuttal are still scheduled for tomorrow with a Senate vote on Kavanaugh’s election to the Supreme Court still scheduled for Friday morning.

Ahhh, your government hard at work! It’s enough to make a taxpayer….Choke